Hot Dogs, Pretzels, and Perplexing Questions

Comments Officially Closed

2008-10-01T16:35:00.004-05:00

I'm sure you can find some place else to leave an inane comment, preferably on a blog that is still active.

Meh

2008-07-12T10:33:00.003-05:00

I need a fresh start. Maybe a new blog. I don't know. Not much to say. Losing interest. No other explanation. Just bored. Carry on.

Unbelievable

2008-06-04T12:11:00.002-05:00

Even more bad news for Texas students and teachers, this time from the New York Times. Board Chairman Don McLeroy brings teh burnin' stupid.

Dr. McLeroy believes that Earth’s appearance is a recent geologic event — thousands of years old, not 4.5 billion. “I believe a lot of incredible things,” he said, “The most incredible thing I believe is the Christmas story. That little baby born in the manger was the god that created the universe.”

Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

But Dr. McLeroy says his rejection of evolution — “I just don’t think it’s true or it’s ever happened” — is not based on religious grounds. Courts have clearly ruled that teachings of faith are not allowed in a science classroom, but when he considers the case for evolution, Dr. McLeroy said, “it’s just not there.”

“My personal religious beliefs are going to make no difference in how well our students are going to learn science,” he said.

I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.

Shifting Blame and Veiled Threats

2008-06-04T11:16:00.001-05:00

From the San Antonio Express-News and the Houston Chronicle, more bad news for Texas students and teachers.

[Vice Chairman David Bradley, R-Beaumont] and the board majority faulted English teachers for forcing too much of their own ideas into a proposal the board had tentatively approved two months earlier. That's why board members had to salvage a final document with a last-hour cut and paste job, he said.

“I don't think this will happen again because they got spanked,” Bradley said. “Science teachers should work with the board on their process and not try to do an end run around this elected body and steal the process.”

Fuck you very much.

“We want our children to be able to think and understand the strengths and weaknesses of any theory. Some ultra-radical groups have not evolved to the point where they realize that the ‘theory of Evolution' is just that — a theory,” [Board member Ken Mercer, R-San Antonio] said.

Well, isn't that clever?

“Any real scientist understands there are major weaknesses in evolution,” said Mercer, who has a degree in biology from the University of Texas at Austin. “If we truly believe in intellectual debate, let's discuss those weaknesses.”

And no true Scotsman ever put sugar on his porridge.

“There are issues in the evolutionary process that have been proven wrong,” [Vice Chairman Bradley] said. “Evolution is not fact. Evolution is a theory and, as such, cannot be proven. Students need to be able to jump to their own conclusions.”

Not so fast.

"Part of preparing our students for postsecondary success includes providing them with a well-rounded education," [Barabar Cargill, R-The Woodlands] said. "Having the freedom to discuss the scientific strengths and weaknesses of a theory such as evolution teaches students how to evaluate both sides of an issue. It prompts them to be critical thinkers, and it also helps them to respect the opinions of other students even if they disagree."

In that case, we should probably teach students how to spot a blatantly false dilemma.

Crudely Wrought

2008-05-24T21:04:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I mentioned that I recently applied to a teacher certification program at a nearby state university and was accepted. Good news. I elected to teach high school English. Bad news. I don't know what the fuck just happened to the curriculum standards. Nobody knows...

The State Board of Education's debate on new English and reading standards took another turn Friday as members approved a never-before-seen version of the lengthy document that materialized less than an hour before the board was to take a final vote.

After a terse debate on the new curriculum, the board voted 9-6 in favor of the new version, which will remain in place for the next decade and sets standards for state tests and textbooks, as well as classroom teaching.

Experts and teachers have been working on the new curriculum standards for two and a half years.

"I find it's really wild that we can work for three years on a project and then the board is so qualified they can pull it out of their [asses] overnight," said board member Pat Hardy, a Fort Worth Republican who, like other board members, received the substituted document when it was slipped under her hotel room door less than an hour before their meeting was set to convene Friday morning.

...with the exception of Chairman Don McLeroy and several other members of the Texas State Board of Education.

After first saying he would not give board members time to go over the new document during the meeting, Chairman Don McLeroy, a Republican from College Station, relented and allowed a short run through of the new document with an explanation of the changes.

But the squabbling did not end there.

"Mr. Chair you're going so fast ... you're moving so fast we can't find it in the other document," Berlanga said, shortly after the page-by-page explanation began.

After more complaints, McLeroy said that he would continue at the fast pace.

"The ruling is you're being dilatory in dragging this out," McLeroy said.

It hasn't even been a week since I got the acceptance letter in the mail and I'm already having second thoughts about teaching. Encouragement, please. Thanks in advance.

Killing Time

2008-05-23T21:01:00.002-05:00

So, what have I been up to? Well, let's see. I read a few good books, including:

Evolution: The Triumph of an Idea by Carl Zimmer
The Adventure of English: The Biography of A Language by Melvyn Bragg
Freethinkers: A History of American Secularism by Susan Jacoby
The Age of American Unreason by Susan Jacoby
Founding Faith: Providence, Politics, and the Birth of Religious Freedom in America by Steven Waldman
Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson

In that order. I'm currently reading Your Inner Fish by Neil Shubin. Next up is The Story of English by Robert McCrum, Robert MacNeil, and William Cran.

Also, I've been downloading a lot of music from Beatport, mostly Electro House. Here are some of my favorite tracks at the moment, in no particular order:

"Everything in America" (Luki remix) by Ryan Riback
"Stars" (JELO remix) by Dylan Rhymes and Blende
"Explicit" by Montero
"Cream Royale" by Morfeen
"Implant" by Speculum
"Bad Fever" by Alex Dias
"Substation" (Ahmet Sendil remix) by Nihat Karadeniz
"Come To Me" by Adam K
"Hearing Test" by Stafford Brothers
"Dance Machine" by Digital Freq
"Stomped" by Redux
"Gutter Music" by Hatiras
"It Doesn't Matter" (En Masse remix) by Ninfa
"Control" (Toygun remix) by Homm and Popoviciu

Eight years of spinning vinyl and I've finally decided to go digital. The 1200s are collecting dust. It's a damn shame. For now I'm using MixMeister to hold me over until I can get my hands on the new VCI-100 by Vestax, bundled with the latest version of Traktor by Native Instruments. That should be enough to get me started.

In other news, I recently applied to a teacher certification program at a nearby state university and was accepted. I'll have more to say about that some other time. I'm off to get some beer.

Move Along

2008-03-17T17:20:00.000-06:00

Nothing to see here.

I'm taking a vacation from the blog-o-sphere, indefinitely.

Is it just me...

2008-03-11T20:05:00.000-06:00

...or can this church sign be understood in more ways than one?

Ted Nugent ain't got no soul

2008-03-09T22:00:00.003-06:00

Ted Nugent, once The Motor City Madman, now Texas Wildman, is a weekly contributor to the Waco Tribune-Herald. In his latest article, The Nuge takes a shot at "Defining 'soulless' in America".

God gave man a soul, a powerful, instinctual moral and intellectual True North compass, something that completely differentiates us from all other living creatures.

Animals stomp, kill and eat each other, even their own, to survive. Man has the power of reason, of calculation, of dreaming. Man can choose to do good.

That's what makes us the most dangerous game of all.

Respecting the gift of life and the power of responsible choice, man can pursue complete happiness while being a positive force for all things.

When man experiences personal benefits from wrong choices at the expense of others and the environment, he has lost his soul.

And then it's open season on your sorry ass.

His misdeeds will eventually catch up with him. In the meantime, the majority of good people will be forced to perform damage control.

That is the feeble and pathetic condition of soullessness. All mankind should fight and strive to banish those who so callously disregard the good of others. Apathy shows no soul.

What's good for The Nuge is good for everyone. If you disagree, then you ain't got no soul.

The abandonment of common sense, logic and self-evident truths has brought about this incredibly stupid suicide of the American soul.

People actually feel comfortable making these chimp-like choices.

Those of us who know better must galvanize and put pressure on those ruining things for everybody.

Indecent behavior and choices must be demonized and condemned and those guilty ostracized from our society.

Anybody without a gun, and a knife, and a handkerchief, and a ChapStick, get the fuck outta here!

Tasty Search Fun - February 2008

2008-03-06T18:16:00.006-06:00

big tits blogspot: You've come to the wrong place. Care for a big wiener instead?

hot dog in a can: PETA does not approve.

atheist oath texas: It doesn't exist...

unusual fucking: Welcome to the internet. Be more specific.

why do dogs fuck humans: Because they're horny?

i can was hot dog: Ur doin' it wrong.

HANGING HOTDOGS: Bigot.

big tits among us: Sent to lead astray the mammary obsessed.

is hot dogs good for you to lose weight: No.

dane cook is very far from funny: Which is to say he is not funny.

HOW LONG CAN HOT DOGS SIT OUT FOR: Ask me nicely.

pictures of my wiener: Posted in /b/.

how to burn hot dogs with circuits: Just stick one in an electrical socket and see what happens.

trunks and pan hot images: Dragon Ball GT meets hentai.

"to define is to limit": Whatever you say, Lord Henry Wotton.

Adventures In Meatspace

2008-03-04T18:27:00.008-06:00

Sorry for not posting anything in over a week. I've been taking care of a few things in meatspace.

It's official. I no longer reside in the fair city of Austin. Now all I have to do is unpack everything.

I'll be in Houston this weekend to sell my old drum set to a friend who has more use for it than I do at this point. Oh, and maybe I'll go to the zoo.

The following weekend I might be in Austin for the Electronic Music Festival at Sky Lounge. I'll be there Saturday night to hear Deadmau5 spin records, and to see a live performance by The Crystal Method.

Also, I got a new ~~internet hate machine~~ laptop. It cost slightly less than fixing the busted one. Go figure.

Texan for Pseudoscientific Douchebaggery

2008-02-21T20:07:00.010-06:00

I would like to take a moment to call your attention to the target rich environment that is Texans for Better Science Education. Do not be fooled. It should be called Texan for Pseudoscientific Douchebaggery. The aptly named Texas Citizens for Science tells us The True Story.

Turns out the organization is a one man show, paid for and run by a pseudoscientific douchebag named Mark Ramsey, who advocates teaching the "strengths and weaknesses" of evolution. And from the looks of it, his website is anything but intelligently designed. He must be in desperate need of volunteers. Apply now!

See for yourself the franticly posted news updates in multi-colored, randomly emphasized text on the front page. Look hard enough and there you will find more of the same old canards and oft repeated lies, damned lies, and quote mines. Dare to subscribe and you will receive the occasional poorly formatted newsletter. You might also notice not one, but two banners proudly displayed on either side of every page, shamelessly promoting the upcoming movie Expelled, sure to be a big hit with pseudoscientific douchebags the world over.

Recently asked why he behaves like such a pseudoscientific douchebag, the one and only Mark Ramsey had this to say:

"Emphatically, we are not trying to 'take evolution out of the schools.' All good educators know that when students are taught both sides of an issue such as biologic evolution, they understand each side better. What are the Darwinists afraid of?"

Spoken like a true pseudoscientific douchebag.

But wait, there's more! Make sure you read his collection of historic quotes. Scroll all the way down and be the first to submit one of your favorites! Do it for the lulz.

Brutal Awakening

2008-02-21T09:21:00.001-06:00

If dancing myself to sleep is what I like to do late at night, then I should wake myself up in the morning by going brutal. (WARNING: turn your speakers down.)

%$#@!!!11!!1!!!!!

2008-02-20T21:32:00.011-06:00

My laptop died today. So it goes.

It's in the shop, and I've just been informed that the hard drive is FUBAR. Why me? I know, that's a very Earthling question to ask.

I have access to other computers, obviously. The problem is other people like to use them. Hell is other people (IRL).

Grab the Nearest Book

2008-02-18T21:06:00.001-06:00

Evil Bender has just tagged me with a meme that's been making the rounds. The rules are simple.

1. Grab the nearest book (that is at least 123 pages long).
2. Open to p. 123.
3. Go down to the 5th sentence.
4. Type in the following 3 sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Next to my bed I have a copy of Slaughterhouse-Five by the late Kurt Vonnegut. Let's see, I'm in a mental institution on page 129, so flipping to page 123 it seems I've come unstuck again. Now I'm back in that awful prison camp.

There was a silence now, as the Englishmen looked in astonishment at the frowsy creatures they had so lustily waltzed inside. One of the Englishmen saw that Billy was on fire. "You're on fire, lad!" he said, and he got Billy away from the stove and beat out the sparks with his hands.

So it goes.

I'll tag Akusai, Dikkii, Infophile, JanieBelle, and Tom Foss. Enjoy.

McLeroy says what?

2008-02-15T18:50:00.005-06:00

Don't ask me why, but the other day I stopped by Don McLeroy's personal website. I hadn't been there in a long while. Maybe I just wanted to see what the Chairman of the Texas State Board of Education was up to in his spare time. And to my surprise, I noticed that McLeroy had since posted his Thoughts on Naturalism and Intelligent Design, the now infamous Sunday school lecture, as if it were something to be proud of. So today I went looking for a memorable howler that goes a little something like this:

"Remember keep chipping away at the objective empirical evidence." (my emphasis)

That's how it appears in the transcript produced by the Texas Freedom Network, and what it sounds like on the audio recording exposed by the Texas Observer. But in his notes I found a line that instead reads as follows:

"Remember, keep chipping away with objective empirical evidence." (my emphasis)

I'm not quite sure what to make of all this. Was it a Freudian slip? Did he innocently misspeak? Or could it be that he edited the text after the fact? Either way, I don't think it makes that much of a difference. They have no objective empirical evidence of their own to chip away with, just the objective empirical evidence they stubbornly attempt to chip away at, and to no avail. I'll leave the discovery of any other discrepancies as an exercise for the reader, at least for now.

Patriotism

2008-02-13T18:49:00.001-06:00

In his concluding remarks about the most recent Ahistorical garbage from the producers of Expelled, PZ Myers had this to say:

Don't you just love how they wrap themselves in the flag, the bill of rights, and the first amendment while trying to force their religious ideology into the schools? Patriotism really is the last refuge of the scoundrel.

I was reminded of something Sinclair Lewis once said: "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross." And one Google search later I had found a suitable image for my first motivational poster.

Inspiring, no?

Extraordinarily Thick-Headed

2008-02-09T07:57:00.001-06:00

I'm currently reading Memoirs of Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds, by Charles Mackay, first published in 1841. I've been trying to finish it for quite some time now. I last put it down for so long that I should probably read the first several hundred pages again. At the moment I'm finishing up a chapter about the witch mania in Europe and thought I'd share the following excerpt from the story he tells of a particular trial that took place in Sweden during the year 1669. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

One of them, the parson of the district, stated, in the course of the inquiry, that on a particular night, which he mentioned, he had been afflicted with a headache so agonising, that he could not account for it otherwise than by supposing he was bewitched. In fact, he thought a score of witches must have been dancing on the crown of his head. This announcement excited great horror among the pious dames of the auditory, who loudly expressed their wonder that the devil should have power to hurt so good a man. One poor witch, who lay in the very jaws of death, confessed that she knew too well the cause of the minister's headache. The devil had sent her with a sledge-hammer and a large nail to drive into the good man's skull. She had hammered at it for some time, but the skull was so enormously thick, that she made no impression upon it. Every hand was held up in astonishment. The pious minister blessed God that his skull was so solid, and he became renowned for his thick head all the days of his life. Whether the witch intended a joke does not appear, but she was looked upon as a criminal more than usually atrocious. (pages 569-70, original emphasis)

I take it the accused witch had nothing to lose. She may as well have the last laugh. And it comes as no surprise to me that the deluded parson would take such pride in the crown of his ignorance. The joke must have flown right over his extraordinarily thick head.

"Smells Like Content"

2008-02-08T11:22:00.000-06:00

I got to see The Books perform this song live a couple of years ago at The Parish on 6th Street in Austin. I had to sneak out of a night class a bit early to get there. It was worth the trouble. Enjoy.

If I were a book, would you read me?

2008-02-05T05:54:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm still up, so I may as well post another meme. I came across this Book Quiz by way of Evil Bender (he's not all bad, just misunderstood).

You're The Catcher in the Rye!

by J.D. Salinger

You are surrounded by phonies, and boy are you sick of them! In an ongoing struggle to search for a land without phonies, you end up running away from everything, from school to consequences. In this process, you reveal that many people in your life have suffered torments and all you really want to do is catch them as they fall. Perhaps using a baseball mitt. Your biggest fans are infamous psychotics.

It suits me well, and I should probably read it again. I've even got multiple copies. Why are you laughing, man?

What Kind of God Would You Be?

2008-02-05T03:37:00.000-06:00

The illustrious Tom Foss of Dubito Ergo Sum has blessed us all with a meme of his own creation. He asks: What Kind of God Would You Be?

List at least four things that you'd do if you were God. Assume the same thing I did: you're omnipotent (do the logically impossible!) and whatever you do will work out fine with the laws of physics, such as they are.

I am become Bob, the almighty prankster God.

The divinely inspired Word of Yours Truly will be translated by a semi-literate 12-year-old AOL user in an undeserved position of authority. "IN DA BGINNG WAS TEH WORD LOL!11!!1! AND DA WORD WAS WIT GOD AND DA WORD WAS GOD!1!!!1!11 OMG WTF!!1!1!"

For the sake of posterity, articles of The One True Faith™ are to be painstakingly transcribed with disappearing ink.

Musicians who are foolish enough to write a song about Me will be mocked by the voice of Satan in the heads of all their adoring fans. Playing the record forwards or backwards makes no difference.

The Pope will smoke a lot of dope and sit on a throne made entirely of whoopee cushions.

Terrorists who seek to glorify My Name by strapping explosives to their chests (the nerve of some people) will magically transform into human piñatas. Upon detonation their victims are instead showered with harmless biodegradable confetti and bombarded with delicious sugar-free treats.

The Ark of the Covenant will be a can of peanut brittle.

Rather than go to all the trouble of burying dinosaur fossils everywhere, like some lesser deity with an extraordinarily dark sense of humor, I would test the faith of My chosen people by scrawling "God wuz not here" on the bathroom wall.

Evidence for any conspiracy of BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS will point directly to the source of its theory. Always one step ahead of themselves.

Travel back in time, commit suicide, declare Myself dead. The look on Nietzsche's face? Priceless.

Please forgive Me. I did it for the lulz.

Tasty Search Fun - January 2008

2008-02-03T23:04:00.000-06:00

As promised, tasty search fun.

i can haz hot dogs: Only if you promise that I can has a hotdog, too.

what is in my hotdogs: All kinds of shit.

when was the first hot dog sent into outer space: I don't know, but rumor has it that astronaut David Thomas smuggled hot dog sauce aboard the shuttle Columbia one time.

dogs with big tits: I see a pattern emerging.

dogs fucking people: Okay, that's enough! Seriously, you people are fucked up.

religious history of pretzels: See also panis quadragesimalis.

the effect of fire on pretzels: Turn or burn!

why do people think dane cook is funny: I have no idea, but rest assured with each passing day more and more people are searching for the answer.

what is the most difficult silly profound question you can think of in science: Why do people think Dane Cook is funny?

sentences with superfluous: This sentence is superfluous.

skepchick ejaculation: You won't see that on the next calender.

Meta-what now?

2008-02-03T19:35:00.000-06:00

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't said much of anything lately [insert lame excuse].

I see that Dikkii and Akusai recently tweaked their blogs, which I've been meaning to do ever since I nearly tore mine to pieces, though I was able to resist the temptation to press the big orange delete button. I need to put up a recent comments module, rework all of the tags, restore convenient access to the archives, add some more links to fun stuff, update the blogroll, etc.

From this day forward the comments are wide open, but spam will be deleted on sight. That being said, I should probably leave comments elsewhere more often, and stop pretending to be one of those deaf-mutes.

Not too long ago my brother revealed that I'm gaining "experience [points] wielding a soldering iron" and that I have a "growing pile of transistors, resistors, eyes of newt, and other arcane components." I'm no where near building a robot, much less a hive mind. I've only just begun to experiment with simple analog circuits that generate audible synthetic waveforms. In other words, I like to make electronic noise the old school way. I'll try posting some robot porn in the near future, but keep in mind that I'm just a humble newbie when it comes to building circuits from scratch.

Speaking of analog sound, I've mentioned before that I enjoy spinning vinyl records, (otherwise known as "DJing" to those of you not averse to using acronyms as verbs). I'll find a way to introduce the twins, and subject you all to my poor taste in music.

I haven't posted any tasty search fun in months, but I'll try to serve some up later, just as soon as I fix the old and busted time machine.

And be patient, Tom. I dig the meme. Just taking my sweet ass time.

I've got some other ideas, but that's all I'd like to say for now.

TENORI-ON

2008-01-31T19:12:00.000-06:00

Remember that Reactable thingy? Well, now I'd rather have one of these. But the price will have to come down quite a bit ($1200).

Here's looking at you...

2008-01-30T14:50:00.000-06:00

...Redland Baptist Church.

Little did they know...[insert maniacal laughter].

LOL Brain In A Vat!

2008-01-29T19:39:00.000-06:00

I found this template a while back and just thought of a caption.

Submit your own in the comments.

Dance Myself To Sleep

2008-01-08T04:49:00.000-06:00

I'll try anything. Whatever it takes.

It's a Christmas miracle!

2007-12-23T21:35:00.000-06:00

May you be touched by His noodly appendage this holiday season.

A Memo For McLeroy

2007-12-22T18:33:00.000-06:00

I am shocked and appalled to learn that Don McLeroy, chairman of the Texas State Board of Eduction, had the nerve to write a letter to the editor in response to this recent column.

My focus is on the empirical evidence and the scientific interpretations of that evidence. In science class, there is no place for dogma and “sacred cows;” no subject should be “untouchable” as to its scientific merits or shortcomings. My motivation is good science and a well-trained, scientifically literate student.

What can stop science is an irrefutable preconception. Anytime you attempt to limit possible explanations in science, it is then that you get your science stopper. In science class, it is important to remember that the consensus of a conviction does not determine whether it is true or false. In science class, you teach science.

This is highly inappropriate. I believe this is an offense that calls for termination or, at the very least, reassignment of responsibilities.

Be careful of what you say, McLeroy, especially in science. You work for the State Board of Education, and whatever the company line is, that's what you must follow. As you know, we have a longstanding policy that this is a subject upon which the agency must remain neutral. You are hereby directed to not communicate in writing or otherwise with anyone outside the agency in any way that might compromise the transparency and/or integrity of the upcoming TEKS development and revision process.

I can't get no sleep

2007-12-18T09:13:00.000-06:00

I haven't been sleeping well lately, and last night I didn't get to sleep at all. But no worries. I've always been a bit of a night owl. I'll probably crash sometime later today. Since I haven't posted anything in quite a while, enjoy this music video, "Insomnia" by Faithless.

I feel better already.

Nothing Better To Do

2007-11-09T12:31:00.000-06:00

Well, I walked out on my job yesterday afternoon and made it official this morning. It was sucking the life out of me. I didn't even give two weeks notice. Just a letter of resignation via email. I left my badge and keys at the desk and took my coffee mug. Not very professional. So, what now? I have little choice but to leave town once my lease is up and go back to school.

Drinking Rationally

2007-10-29T12:34:00.000-06:00

Since I missed out on Flat Earth Cake last week, I'm going to a happy hour after work called Drinking Rationally. And Barbara Forrest will be in town this Friday to give her "Inside Creationism's Trojan Horse" Lecture. I picked up a copy of the book last week and I'm just over halfway through. Excellent. Be there or be square.

Hot Dogs, Pretzels and Pithy Quotes?

2007-10-27T18:38:00.000-05:00

Doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

76th Carnival of the Godless

2007-09-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

The 76th Carnival of the Godless is up at A Load Of Bright. Pay no attention to this shameless plug.

Open thread, but no link whores allowed.

70th Skeptics' Circle

2007-09-28T12:14:00.000-05:00

The 70th Skeptics' Circle is up at the Conspiracy Factory. Sorry, but now I'll have to kill you.

Open thread. Comment if you dare.

Exact Change Only

2007-09-28T08:10:00.000-05:00

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

There I was, about to quit my job selling hot dogs, pretzels and perplexing questions when along came a Buddhist. "Make me one with everything," he said. So I gave him a hot dog with everything on it and he gave me a twenty dollar bill. He stood there for a moment looking puzzled. I pretended to ignore him by reading the funny pages until he finally asked, "Where's my change?" I just smiled and said, "Change must come from within."

It seems I'm back in business, so happy blogiversary to me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do.

Enough

2007-09-12T09:53:00.000-05:00

~~As Elmo Oxygen once put it, "No more of this mayonnaise...this shit! I'm outta here!"~~

Update:

Just give me a couple of days to get my shit back together.

Daily Texan on the Rally

2007-09-10T12:45:00.000-05:00

As you may know, my brother came to visit over the weekend and we both went to this rally, which was fun. The Daily Texan has a ~~poorly written~~ brief article about it in today's paper. We were there to protest a whole hell of a lot more than the new pledge and the moment of silence. Also, Terry McDonald is the chairman of the Metroplex Atheists, and he was quoting Senator ~~Jackass~~ Dan Patrick when he said, "This senate stands for Judeo-Christian values." And a couple of village idiots have shown up in the comments (I called Godwin's Law on the first). I'm flying solo today, so the second will have to wait until I'm off. I've already spent too much time on this post and I've got work to do. In the meantime, maybe you'd like to post a comment. Have fun.

Update:

My work is done.

xkcd - Self-reference

2007-09-05T20:38:00.000-05:00

Bob Is Dead

2007-09-04T21:25:00.000-05:00

Maybe I'll start keeping up with the Carnival of Satire over at The Skwib. I was just browsing the most recent edition (beware the squirrel) in which one contributor asks Why Don't We All Call God---Bob? Good question.

BOB would be a perfect name for God. First of all you wouldn't have to perform major redesign of the Bible, both Bob and God have three letters so the new name would fit in perfectly.

...

God's new name would make our Maker seem so much more approachable and real. If we make the change I guarantee that you wont see a Time Magazine cover that asks "is Bob Dead?"

Bob doesn't exist (I kill me).

74th Carnival of the Godless

2007-09-02T17:30:00.000-05:00

The 74th Carnival of the Godless is up over at Atheist FAQ. It's the Pulp Edition, sure to be a lurid tale.

Open thread, but small-talk about the weather is strictly FORBIDDEN!

Sunday Afternoon False Prophet

2007-09-02T12:58:00.000-05:00

Yesterday evening I got a call from a friend of mine who's currently reading Breaking the Spell by Daniel C. Dennet. I should probably read it again. He was curious about Marjoe Gortner, the child evangelist who later in life revealed himself to be a fraud in an award winning documentary film. I haven't seen it yet, so my friend told me where I could find a short clip on teh intertubes. It's been a while since I posted a video on a Sunday for those of you no longer under the spell of religion or the hypocrisy of belief in belief, and Dennet sets this one up quite nicely with the following dilemma.

...we see poor people emptying their wallets and purses into the collection plate, their eyes glistening with tears of joy, thrilled to be getting "salvation" from this charismatic phony. The question that has been troubling me ever since I saw the film when it first came out is: who is committing the more reprehensible act - Marjoe Gortner, who lies to these people in order to get their money, or the filmmakers who expose these lies (with Gortner's enthusiastic complicity), thereby robbing these good folk of the meaning they thought they had found for their lives? (p. 286)

It gets worse.

Dilemmas like this are all too familiar in somewhat different contexts, of course. Should the sweet old lady in the nursing home be told that her son has just been sent to prison? Should the awkward twelve-year-old boy who wasn't cut from the baseball team be told about the arm-twisting by all the parents that persuaded the coach to keep him on the squad? In spite of ferocious differences of opinion about other moral issues, there seems to be something approaching consensus that it is cruel and malicious to interfere with the life-enhancing illusions of others - unless those illusions are themselves the cause of greater ills. The disagreements come over what these greater ills might be - and this has led to the breakdown of the whole rationale. Keeping secrets from people for their own good can often be wise, but it takes only one person to give away a secret, and since there are disagreements about which cases warrant discretion, the result is an unsavory miasma of hypocrisy, lies, and frantic but fruitless attempts at distraction. (p. 288)

...

We've got ourselves caught in a hypocrisy trap, and there is no clear path out. Are we like the families in which the adults go through all the motions of believing in Santa Claus for the sake of the kids, and the kids all pretend still to believe in Santa Claus so as not to spoil the adults' fun? If only our current predicament were as innocuous and even comical as that! In the adult world of religion, people are dying and killing, with the moderates cowed into silence by the intransigence of the radicals in their own faiths, and many afraid to acknowledge what they actually believe for fear of breaking Granny's heart, or offending their neighbors at the point of getting run out of town, or worse. (p. 291)

It's a wonderful day to be an atheist.

Tasty Search Fun - August 2007

2007-09-01T19:11:00.000-05:00

Not many fun searches led people to my tasty blog this past month, but I suppose a few of them are mildly amusing. Maybe next time.

god what is the best question to ask you: What is the ordered pair whose first member is the question that would be the best one for us to ask you, and whose second member is the answer to that question?

atheist cat: Even your kitteh is on our side.

video on how hot dogs are made: Enjoy.

quantum leap creativity: Woo.

this 400 year old weight loss secret from China: Sucker!

Head-On Ad Nauseum

2007-09-01T18:34:00.000-05:00

I just can't resist posting this video I found over at Denialism yesterday.

As one commenter put it, Head-On is nothing more than a "homeopathic stick of wax".

68th Skeptics' Circle

2007-08-30T20:18:00.000-05:00

The 68th Skeptics' Circle is up over at Aardvarchaeology. Go ahead. See for yourself.

Open thread. But please. No. Fragments. Sorry.

This Is the Title of This Post, Which Is Also Found in the Post Itself

2007-08-29T20:00:00.000-05:00

This is the first sentence of this post. This is the second. Third. The purpose of this sentence is to state the obvious, that this is a post containing sentences that refer to themselves. This is the title of this post, which is also found in the post itself. This sentence indicates that the title of this post is loosely based on that of a story about a boy named Billy. This is almost the title of the story, which is found only once in the story itself. This sentence describes Billy's mother's bulging eyes and protruding tongue and makes reference to the unpleasant choking and gagging noises she's making. This sentence is meant to inform you that the preceding sentence is from that horrific story. Enjoy this sentence. Fragment. Edit. Sorry. This is the last sentence of this post.

Blasphemy Challenge Part Deux

2007-08-28T22:44:00.000-05:00

In the past week a couple of trolls took exception to my denial of the Holy Spirit. I toyed with one for a while, but ended up blocking them both. Good riddance.

Then LazyEyeMedia sent me the following video (read the fine print).

So I took a hammer to a small mirror, but that wasn't enough. I wasted an entire afternoon filming myself opening an umbrella, spilling salt, stepping on cracks and trying to get my cat to cross my path (he's black). But despite my best efforts nothing bad happened, and the video I've been trying to put together just isn't working. Oh well. Any other ideas?

Then some jackass by the name of BibleMan1611 posted the following video as a response.

That's another five minutes of my life I'll never get back. And now I've got arealestategal bothering me about it.

Hello, I am putting together a presentation debate regarding the Blasphemy Challenge.

I am portraying both sides and would like to use your video in my presentation. If you are in agreement, please send it as a file to the email address listed below. Also, it will be viewed by others, So I will need you to put in the same email your permission to use the video.

Thanks for your time

[name and email omitted]

Meh.

Earth To Alex Jones

2007-08-22T21:05:00.000-05:00

Last night I was flipping through the channels and happened to see local conspiracy theorist Alex Jones on the History Channel, though I must have missed this steaming pile of doggerel. In less than a minute he somehow manages to reveal his delusions of both grandeur and persecution by laying down the Galileo Gambit while simultaneously demonstrating his ignorance of history by getting it all spectacularly wrong. Just watch.

Earth to Alex Jones: You are not the center of the fucking universe.

73rd Carnival of the Godless

2007-08-21T08:53:00.000-05:00

Oops! It seems the 73rd Carnival of the Godless was up this past Sunday at In Defence of Reason. I was too busy sleeping through church.

Open thread, but please, no imprecatory prayers.

67th Skeptics' Circle

2007-08-16T08:33:00.000-05:00

The 67th Skeptics' Circle is up over at my brother's place, the Bronze Blog. It's the Giant Robot Edition, so watch your toes.

Open thread, but any Woobots out there are strictly FORBIDDEN!

Ancient Chinese Secret

2007-08-12T18:57:00.000-05:00

So there I was, surfing teh interwebs when some guy named Jesse Williams suddenly appeared and proceeded to let me in on the "400 year old secret behind why Chinese men and women don’t get fat." Ironically, the fattest man in China happens to be the proud owner of a tea house.

If you’ve tried diet after diet after diet after diet and still been unable to lose weight, it’s probably NOT YOUR FAULT. If you’ve tried everything you hear about on TV and read in magazines but haven’t been able to make it work, or your weight goes up and down like a yo-yo as a result of the different diets and pills you’ve used, here is what I am writing to tell you..... [original emphases and ellipsis]

In other words, look no further! The secret to losing weight is revealed in this annoying pop-up ad. All you have to do is drink one or two cups of Woolong™ tea everyday (with proper diet and exercise). It's that easy.

And best of all, you’ll lose weight without spending hardly any money. However, before I go into that let me expose the reason why the odds have been stacked against you until now. [original emphasis]

Duh, it's a conspiracy! It's all those crooks running the Diet Industry, the shills working for Big Pharma, the "media moguls" in the Fashion Industry, and the "money barons" at the top of Food Chain, not to mention the code monkeys in the Software Industry who invented pop-up blockers. But I digress, let's get down to business.

If you are truly serious about losing weight, you will be extremely pleased you took the time to read all this information (even though some of it is kind of boring, scientific proof). [original emphasis]

Turns out Woolong™ tea MAY "burn fat," it MAY "reverse the signs of aging," it MAY "brighten skin while improving skin clarity," it MAY "boost your immune system," it MAY "promote stronger, whiter teeth," it MAY "enhance mind-body wellness." Needless to say, Woolong™ tea is 100% all Natural and Organic, but is it AUTHENTIC?

We are one of the ONLY companies from the west to own a piece of Mt. Wu Yi Shan, and one of the ONLY distributors to supply AUTHENTIC oolong. DO NOT ACCEPT CHEAP IMITATIONS – DO NOT GET SCAMMED. [original emphases]

Let me guess, Woolong™ is also ONE of the only companies whose tea is guaranteed to work, or your money back.

That’s right, either you begin to achieve your goals successfully, or you do not pay a penny. The only string attached to this deal is the strong faith that our tea will produce significant results every time with good diet and exercise. You came here today looking for a solution to lose weight, and that’s exactly what we’re going to deliver to your doorstep. Or it’s free. Guaranteed. [my emphasis]

To put it another way, the dissatisfied customer is always wrong, only the satisfied customer is right. Just ask Oprah.

To transform an ordinary cup of tea into a special treat, Oprah adds mulling spices (a mix of cinnamon, allspice and cloves) and lemon and orange slices. She always drinks the tea from a beautiful cup. "I make it into a ritual," she explains. "I used to be one of those people—like so many of you who are mothers and nurturers—I could give anything to everybody else, but when it came time to do it for myself … I felt like I wasn't worth the trouble. … I now realize that I really am worth the trouble—just as you are—and so I make it beautiful for myself."

I have no idea what she's talking about, so here's a bunny with a pancake on its head. Besides, everyone knows the secret to losing weight is a steady diet of Hot Dogs, Pretzels, and Perplexing Questions™ (with plenty of exercise).

Disclaimer: Hot Dogs, Pretzels, and Perplexing Questions™ has not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Consult a physician before starting any weight loss program.

Tasty Search Fun - June and July 2007

2007-08-06T20:00:00.000-05:00

I'm really, really late posting all the fun searches that attracted new customers to my tasty blog, so I won't be posting them all, only the very best.

significance of hebrew national hot dogs: Made according to the "highest standard," but mine are still bigger.

activities for idiots: Have fun.

"studied ignorance" evolution: "promiscuous teleology" creationism

bob decided it was time to put his degree: to work.

SIMPLE QUESTION FOR THE ATHEIST: HOW DO YOU TURN OFF CAPS LOCK?

a strange question of christ: WTF, oh Lord?

invisible pink unicorn tattoo: Do you mean a tattoo of an invisible pink unicorn, or an invisible tatoo of a pink unicorn?

scary alien christian puppet: I shit you not.

pink panties: I only wear them when I'm feeling sexy.

monster bong hits: None for Jesus.

little dogs that don't grow no more: Your grammar makes the puppy sad.

christian meaning of pretzels: panis quadragesimalis.

crazy attempts to "know God": Try drilling a whole in your head.

pretzel shaped like a virgin mary: What the hell do you think this is, eBay?

FUCKING LANGUAGE: ROXXORZ!

in nonsense is strength: So it goes.

most perplexing questions ever asked: What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

know god fun: No God, LOL!

all cain of hot dogs in nation: And all your pretzels are belong to us.

cornering the atheist: Then what?

pastor dollar-god will fuck you up: WTF?

oscar cat jew: I knew it!

72nd Carnival of the Godless

2007-08-05T19:58:00.000-05:00

The 72nd Carnival of the Godless is up at Atheist Revolution.

Open thread, but asking me about my brother's top secret plans for the next Skeptics' Circle is strictly forbidden!

Michael Behe on the Colbert Report

2007-08-03T00:12:00.000-05:00

In order of appearance: CA100.1, CA112, CH210, CB010.1, CB200, CI100, CA601.1 (and I suspect what would have amounted to CI001, but Behe made the mistake of telling Stephen he was flat wrong about that last one and the interview was cut short). Let me know if I missed anything.

Update:

YouTube is not happy with me right now (see the update). I replaced the video I uploaded with the one you see now (thanks to the good Reverend).

Update:

I have preserved the comments elsewhere and removed the video myself.

Update:

Now I've gone and uploaded it to Veoh.

Final Update:

You win this time, Viacom.

LOL Gablers!

2007-08-02T11:03:00.000-05:00

66th Skeptics' Circle

2007-08-02T08:47:00.000-05:00

The 66th Skeptics' Circle is up at Denialism. I hope you like reading abstracts.

Open thread, but talking like a cat is strictly forbidden!

I'z on ur TV, amuzin' u to death!

2007-08-02T06:46:00.000-05:00

I haven't been watching much TV, but last night I saw that a certain fuzzy little harbinger of death was given notice by Stephen Colbert in the second installment of "When Animals Attack Our Morals." I LOLed.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Update:

It seems YouTube has removed this video from my account.

Update:

As you can see, I've uploaded it to Veoh.

Final Update:

And now it's gone.

LOL McLeroy!

2007-07-30T20:26:00.000-05:00

Blah, blah, blahging...

2007-07-28T14:33:00.000-05:00

I seem to have lost my sense of humor (lately I've been faking it). Can anyone guess what I don't find the slightest bit funny?

This blog is rated NC-17, so expect more profanity. Fuck it, why not? I don't understand L33t speak, and I'm not about to start using emoticons, so naughty words will have to do, at least for now. I'm still learning how to talk like a cat.

I don't have any pet trolls, and that could be fun. Should I try letting just any damn fool leave a comment? I've been meaning to draft a policy and regain my patience.

And I need to quit posting so much shit from the papers, especially the bizarre news, and in big ass block quotes without saying much else. I'm going to stop reading the religion columns, and maybe even the opinion pages. Everybody's got an asshole, if you follow my meaning.

As you may have noticed, I haven't been posting videos on Sundays. Good ones are hard to come by sometimes, and I'd rather post them whenever. Seen any funny ones lately?

Likewise, it's been a while since I last condescended to show theists how not to persuade atheists, and I don't see the point in trying anymore. It's always the same tired old bullshit anyway. Just copy and paste.

Not too long ago I rededicated this blog to showing off my useless education, but I've been procrastinating (big surprise), and short on ideas for posts.

So far I've posted only two self-reference paradoxes, and didn't really say much, just that I'd eventually post something more about self-reference paradoxes. I've been trying to get through one of the few books I could find on the subject, and decided I'm going to limit myself to semantic paradoxes, leaving set theory alone (even then some of the symbolic logic goes right over my head, and with it, so do some of the jokes).

Sometimes I can't resist blogging at work. It's a guilty pleasure. From now on I'll just be lurking here, commenting there, and posting from the comfort of home.

I'll get my shit together one of these days. In the meantime, any suggestions?

Oscar the Cat a Harbinger of Death?

2007-07-26T00:09:00.000-05:00

Oscar the cat, who lives in the third floor dementia unit of the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island, is supposedly a harbinger of death. From the bizarre news:

Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours.

His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.

And from the New England Journal of Medicine, Dr. David M. Dosa takes us through A Day in the Life of Oscar the Cat, and notes that:

Since he was adopted by staff members as a kitten, Oscar the Cat has had an uncanny ability to predict when residents are about to die. Thus far, he has presided over the deaths of more than 25 residents on the third floor of Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island. His mere presence at the bedside is viewed by physicians and nursing home staff as an almost absolute indicator of impending death, allowing staff members to adequately notify families. Oscar has also provided companionship to those who would otherwise have died alone. For his work, he is highly regarded by the physicians and staff at Steere House and by the families of the residents whom he serves.

I'm a bit skeptical. While both state that Oscar has accurately predicted the deaths of approximately 25 residents, neither tells us how many times he's been wrong, or failed to make an appearance at the deathbed of a resident. I suspect confirmation bias. In other words, staff members are counting the hits and ignoring the misses. But I'd sure like to see them put Oscar to the test sometime...

I can has your soul?

Dubious Doubt

2007-07-24T10:30:00.000-05:00

For minute there I thought this op-ed by Joel Achenbach in the Dallas Morning News was worth reading.

The certainty-mongering of the Bush administration has created an opening for political opponents. Al Gore's latest book criticizes Bush for his "seeming immunity to doubt." Meanwhile, he has found a market for books with "Truth" and "Reason" in the title. Hillary Rodham Clinton declares that Democrats are an "evidence-based" party.

Clearly, Mr. Gore and Mrs. Clinton radiate a fair amount of certainty themselves. Politics isn't for equivocators...

Wait a minute, truth and reason are synonmous with certainty? Now who's the one equivocating?

And now even the doubters have become overly certain. Look at all the atheism books on the bestseller lists. In God Is Not Great, Christopher Hitchens writes, "The person who is certain, and who claims divine warrant for his certainty, belongs now to the infancy of our species." But it's hard to think of a public intellectual more certain of himself than Hitch. (Carl Sagan was certainly no believer, but he once told me, "An atheist has to know a lot more than I know.")

It's a good thing he chose not to single out Richard Dawkins, whose argument is that God almost certainly does not exist. Otherwise, Achenbach might have made a complete fool of himself.

State Board of Denial

2007-07-23T19:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday the editorial board of the Austin American-Statesman asserted that "Doing right by students shouldn't be like pulling teeth."

The best we can say about Gov. Rick Perry's decision to appoint Don McLeroy as chairman of the State Board of Education is that the Bryan dentist was not the worst choice — given the list of candidates on the board.

Ouch.

As chair, McLeroy leads a board of 10 Republicans and five Democrats. Divisions on the board aren't just partisan. McLeroy, a self-described social conservative, is one of eight Republicans who vote as a bloc on nearly all issues. He has a reputation for civility even while casting votes that are based more on ideology than on science or facts.

In 2001, McLeroy and a majority of the board rejected the only Advanced Placement textbook for high school environmental science because its views on global warming and other events didn't comport with the beliefs of the board majority. The book wasn't factual and was anti-American and anti-Christian, the majority claimed. Meanwhile, dozens of colleges and universities were using the textbook, including Baylor University, the nation's largest Baptist college.

In 2003, McLeroy voted against approving biology textbooks that included a full-scale scientific account of evolutionary theory. The books were approved.

Which reminds me...

Update:

And one more thing:

In 2004, Mr. McLeroy voted to approve "abstinence-only" health textbooks that failed to include any information about responsible pregnancy and STD prevention, despite state curriculum standards requiring that students learn such information.

71st Carnival of the Godless

2007-07-23T14:26:00.000-05:00

The 71st Carnival of the Godless went up yesterday at Aardvarchaeology.

Open thread, but I'd rather you didn't pray for me.

Come home to Castleberry's!

2007-07-20T10:49:00.000-05:00

As always, Hot Dogs, Pretzels, and Perplexing Questions™ is dedicated to serving its customers nothing less than 100% All Natural Grade-A beef weenies, guaranteed to be bigger than the next guy's. And just in case you were worried, rest assured, my chili dogs most certainly have not been contaminated.

Federal health officials warned consumers Wednesday to throw away certain cans of hot dog chili sauce after the product was linked to the first cases of botulism in commercially canned foods in decades.

Four people were hospitalized. The warning applies to 10-ounce cans of Castleberry's, Austex and Kroger brands of hot dog chili sauce with "best by" dates from April 30, 2009, through May 22, 2009, the Food and Drug Administration said. It wasn't immediately clear how widely the products were distributed.

The contamination by the toxin is extremely rare for a commercially canned product. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention medical epidemiologist Dr. Michael Lynch said the last such U.S. case dates to the 1970s. The roughly 25 cases reported each year typically involved home-canned foods, Lynch said.

The victims - two each in Texas and Indiana - were seriously ill but expected to survive. The Texas cases involved children who are siblings. The Indiana cases involved an adult couple. No other details were available.

The products were made by the Castleberry Food Co., owned by Bumble Bee Seafoods LLC. The company, based in San Diego, had no immediate comment.

FDA has sent experts to the Castleberry plant in Augusta, Ga., where the products were canned, said Robert Brackett, director of the FDA's Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition. The company is voluntarily recalling all potentially contaminated product and is cooperating with state and federal officials, Brackett added.

Chili dog, anyone?

65th Skeptics' Circle

2007-07-19T13:06:00.000-05:00

The 65th Skeptics' Circle is up at NeuroLogica.

Open thread, but flash photography is stictly forbidden.

UR TAX $$$ HARD @ VORK

2007-07-17T14:23:00.000-05:00

It's my first day at a new job and my brother is already picking on me.

I can haz teh guvemint cheez?

69th and 70th Carnivals of the Godless

2007-07-08T18:59:00.000-05:00

I neglected to announce the 69th Carnival of the Godless hosted by Uncredible Hallq a couple of weeks ago, and today the 70th Carnival of the Godless is hosted by the Friendly Atheist.

Open thread, but pointing out that I haven't posted any new videos in a while or tasty search fun yet is strictly forbidden.

64th Skeptics' Circle

2007-07-06T08:47:00.000-05:00

The 64th Skeptics' Circle is up at the Skeptical Alchemist, so go hack away at that notorious diploma mill, New Truth University.

Open thread, but first you have to go wish my brother a happy birthday.

Eating Machine Swallows Pride

2007-07-05T10:20:00.000-05:00

Joey Chestnut has again stuffed his face, and our nation celebrates.

In a gut-busting showdown that combined drama, daring and indigestion, Joey Chestnut emerged Wednesday as the world's hot dog eating champion, knocking off six-time winner Takeru Kobayashi in a record-setting yet repulsive triumph.

Chestnut, the great red, white and blue hope in the annual Fourth of July competition, broke his own world record by inhaling 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes — a staggering one every 10.9 seconds before a screaming crowd in Coney Island.

I know why Kobayashi lost.

Kobayashi, the Japanese eating machine, recently had a wisdom tooth extracted and received chiropractic treatment due to a sore jaw.

Of course, this didn't help either.

Once the contest ended, the runner-up suffered a reversal — competitive eating-speak for barfing — leading to a deduction from his final total.

I don't want to know how they do the math.

Let's Play

2007-07-04T16:49:00.000-05:00

The name of the game is Go, and it could be your turn.

If you've never played before and would like to learn, all you need to know are the basic rules, and maybe some strategy and tactics.

We can play by correspondence right here on my blog. I'll take the white stones and the rest of you can share the black stones, which means one of you gets to go first. From then on, the next move for black will be determined by the first blogger to post one in the comments. To make things a little easier, use a rectangular coordinate system and think of the board as quadrant I (that way we're only dealing with positive integers). Let the x-axis be numbered 1 to 19 along the top and bottom sides of the board and the y-axis be lettered A to S up the left and right sides of the board such that the bottom-left corner is point (1,A), the center of the board is (10,J), the top-right corner is (19,S), and so on.

The game ends when both players pass consecutively or one player forfeits. But in this case, while one of you may bring the game to a close by either passing or forfeiting, another may wish to continue. I will score the game each time that happens.

You might find it helpful to draw a 19x19 grid on a sheet of paper and take down each move as we go along. I'll play the game on my board here at home, take a picture of each move, post a new one above each day, and my brother and I will eventually figure out how to animate the game (one way or another).

Reactable

2007-06-23T20:36:00.000-05:00

Speaking of fun stuff, I'd like to get my hands on that Tesla coil, but I'll gladly settle for one of these instead.

Note To The Reader

2007-06-23T20:28:00.000-05:00

I'm going to take my cue from a few other bloggers out there and say a little something about what's been keeping me from my blog.

I've been working longer hours since the beginning of this month, but that's only temporary. I've also got an interview coming up, and I need to do some research this week to prepare. If I get the job, then I'll continue working full-time for the same agency.

I'm behind on my reading. I have this awful habit of buying books faster than I can read them, but go ahead and recommend one in the comments if you like.

I'd really like to start playing Go again. It's been a while. Would anyone care to play a game or two online?

And finally, I've been neglecting the most time consuming of all my hobbies, spinning records and making mix tapes. I'll figure out a way to put them online, eventually.

So, I'll just post something fun when I have the time, which isn't much different from what I've been doing lately. Maybe I'll have more to say once I've had a short break.

63rd Skeptics' Circle

2007-06-21T18:52:00.000-05:00

The 63rd Skeptics' Circle is up at Relatively Science.

Open thread.

Inappropriate Content

2007-06-20T20:22:00.000-05:00

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

fucking (46x)
hell (38x)
dead (13x)
shit (9x)
death (8x)
gun (5x)
dangerous (4x)
suck (3x)
cunt (2x)
whore (1x)

Just to be sure, I momentarily changed my blog settings so that every post was displayed on the front page. I might have said "fuck" a few times, but I've never called anyone a "cunt," at least not on this blog (JanieBelle, you naughty girl). And if you think that's bad, go check out Notes From Evil Bender for some gay sex, hard drugs, and mindless violence. I dare you.

Crazy Preacher Girl

2007-06-17T15:54:00.000-05:00

Good afternoon, non-believers! Thanks to the Top 10 Craziest TV Preachers, it's yet another wonderful day to be an atheist! But I'm a bit disappointed to find that the Spirit of Troof came in second, and I think this crazy preacher girl deserves better as well.

She just needs to lay off the helium.

How Not To Persuade An Atheist #2 - "Cherry Picking"

2007-06-16T20:12:00.000-05:00

I guess it's about time for another installment of "How Not To Persuade An Atheist," a series of posts in which I will attempt to show theists how not to go about persuading atheists. So, if you're a theist, listen up! When trying to convert an atheist, please don't employ any of the following informal fallacies, persuasive techniques, or coercive pressures. We're on to you!

I'd like all you theists out there to understand that, if you insist upon referring an atheist to your sacred text of choice, the least you could do is be consistent and refrain from "cherry picking" (not literally).

In the literal case of harvesting cherries, or any other fruit, the picker would be expected to only select the ripest and healthiest fruits. An observer who only sees the selected fruit may thus wrongly conclude that most, or even all, of the fruit is in such good condition.

Thus, cherry picking is used metaphorically to indicate the act of pointing at individual cases or data that seem to confirm a particular position, while ignoring a significant portion of related cases or data that may contradict that position.

Take for instance the Bible. If you're a Christian, you might try cherry picking some of the good stuff, but neglect to mention all the bad stuff, like instances of cruelty and violence, intolerance of others, gross injustices, blatant contradictions, misrepresentations of science and history, unfulfilled prophecies, interpretive vagaries, laughable absurdities, conflicting family values, oppression of women, taboos about sex and homosexuality, and even some naughty language. The same holds true if you happen to be a Muslim fond of quoting the Quran, but if you prefer the Book of Mormon, you should add plagiarism to that long list of bad stuff.

Of course, you might want to complain that we're just nitpicking, though not literally.

Nitpicking is the act of removing nits (the eggs of lice, generally head lice) from the host's hair. As the nits are cemented to individual hairs with louse saliva, they cannot be removed with lice combs and, before modern chemical methods were invented, the only options were to shave all the host's hair or to pick them free one by one.

This is a slow and laborious process, as the root of each individual hair must be examined for infestation. It was largely abandoned as modern chemical methods became available; however, as lice populations can and do develop resistance, manual nitpicking is still often necessary.

As nitpicking inherently requires fastidious, meticulous attention to detail, the term has become appropriated to describe the practice of meticulously searching for minor, even trivial errors in detail (often referred to as "nits" as well), and then criticising them. "Nitpicker" in this sense was often used after 1951, predominantly in the United States.

But that's no excuse for you're inconsistency, and hardly an insult. You wouldn't want to flatter us too much, now would you?

Camo Bible

2007-06-16T18:11:00.000-05:00

Today I was once again reminded of the time I was driving through east Texas a few years ago and passed by a Christian novelty shop just off the highway. I remember seeing a big sign out front advertising a sale on camouflage Bibles, probably because it was hunting season. I don't recall exactly what it said, but it could have gone something like this:

It's open season on non-believers, and no avid culture warrior should be without a camo Bible, guaranteed to escape notice of anyone foolish enough to stand in our path as we lay waste to the Wall of Separation!

Thinking Off Your Head

2007-06-13T20:51:00.001-05:00

Why am I not surprised that "Amercia's Greatest Thinker" believes I should follow my heart more often than my head?

NEW YORK MILLS, Minn. — America's Greatest Thinker is not a famous philosopher, an award-winning mathematician or internationally known astrophysicist. He's a musician and arts administrator from Minneapolis, according to this year's Great American Think-Off, in which ordinary people debate perplexing questions.

I'd like to enter, and start by ridiculing whatever poorly formed dichotomous question comes up next year, but the entry form won't exactly let me do that.

Joe Kaiser won the title and a gold medal Saturday after the Think-Off audience decided he was most convincing when debating the question: "Which should you trust more — your head or your heart?"

They may as well have debated the question: Which should you trust more in deciding who among us is most convincing - your head or your heart?

Kaiser argued a person should trust the heart more than the head. His friend and debate opponent, Episcopal priest Paul Allick of Burnsville, took the silver medal by arguing that one's head should be used in decision-making.

And he lost! What did he do wrong, appeal to their hearts while arguing that they should instead use their heads?

Troll Alert - Cocksnack Returns

2007-06-12T18:13:00.000-05:00

That's right folks, Cocksnack is back! Earlier today he left an inane comment on my Blasphemy Challenge video, and was probably referred there from my previous troll alert. I'm also guessing he created a YouTube account for the sole purpose of calling me a homosexual who wears pink panties. Aren't I special?

Update:

Actually, it seems he's had that account for a while. In other news, I'm still special.

Aim Lower, Think Smaller, Give Up

2007-06-11T21:45:00.000-05:00

Good evening, non-believers! It's a wonderful night to be an atheist, despite having neglected my Sunday morning ritual. I intended to post a sales training video in which two file clerks from out of this world bet on the soul of a wholesale bakery salesman, but it seems sound was traveling faster than light yesterday, if you follow my meaning. Perhaps I should have posted this instead, though it's hardly funny.

The above video is deceptively titled "Aim Lower," and is intended "to help churches, leaders and organizations communicate why it is vital to focus on children," by encouraging them to "Aim lower, think smaller, give up, and go have a cup of coffee." Ironically, propaganda is often said to be aimed at the "lowest common denominator," but in this case, the target audience is ultimately children the world over. And there's more where that came from. Welcome to Max7:

Whether it is through local church children’s or youth ministry, sports or creative ministry, schools or kids clubs, Max7 is about helping children and young people live life to the MAX, 7 days a week with Jesus – the life described in John 10:10.

More than that, it is a worldwide partnership providing FREE download of high quality children and youth ministry resources. Max7 enables the Body of Christ (every church and every language) to have access to Bible resources. It freely serves the work of evangelism, discipleship and leadership development across the world.

Thanks goes to Dikkii and Plonka for exposing me to this most disturbing example of contemporary propaganda.

3rd Humanist Symposium

2007-06-11T21:37:00.000-05:00

Among other things, it seems I neglected to announce that the 3rd Humanist Symposium is up at Black Sun Journal. [Insert best effort at a clever joke referencing the theme of this edition].

Yes, this thread is open. [Insert vain attempt at enticing other bloggers to leave witty comments].

68th Carnval of the Godless

2007-06-09T17:04:00.000-05:00

The 68th Carnival of the Godless was up early this morning at Action Skeptics. It seems I've broken the very last lost Commandment. Perhaps I should have stayed in bed.

As usual, this thread is open. But go ahead, don't leave a comment. See if I care. Besides, you're much too clever to fall for reverse psychology, aren't you?

Fuck It

2007-06-07T23:32:00.000-05:00

While fucking procrastinating at fucking work today, I fucking read this fucking editorial in the Star-fucking-Telegram by Linda P. fucking Campbell. It's fucking awful.

Look, the F-word isn't f-ing brilliant. It's an ugly, nasty, obnoxious blight on the language.

Fuck that. The Fuck-letter is not a fucking blight on our fucking language. It's fucking useful.

That expletive is emblematic of impolite language that's used all too often, either for its shock value or because its users have become impervious to being shocked by it.

I prefer to use it for fucking emphasis. I'll even fucking drop a Fuck-letter-bomb in the fucking course of a fucking argument, knowing full fucking well that doing so in no fucking way in-fucking-validates the fucking point I'm trying to fucking make.

I'm convinced that the creepage of foul-mouthedness into common parlance diminishes not just our language but our culture.

Too fucking late. It's a fucking unique expression of our fucking culture and it's fucking here to fucking stay. If you don't fucking like it, then go fuck yourself.

That was in-fucking-formative. This is fucking ridiculous.

The FCC tried to define indecency back in the 1970s, when a father driving along with his son got an earful of comedian George Carlin's "Filthy Words" monologue on the radio. Carlin identifies seven words that "will curve your spine, grow hair on your hands and maybe even bring us, God help us, peace without honor." Then he proceeds to poke fun at squeamishness over their use by using them in sentences as various parts of speech.

The routine is crude, vile and perversely funny. And absolutely inappropriate for children.

And it's probably not a good fucking idea to fucking watch it while you're at fucking work either. Some fucker might be fucking offended.

Fucking awesome.

62nd Skeptics' Circle

2007-06-07T13:35:00.000-05:00

The 62nd Skeptics' Circle is up at Polite Company. It's the show that never ends, so if you don't have time to check it out today, it'll be there tomorrow. I promise.

As always, I'll keep this thread open, but if you insist on singing any songs, just be sure to sing one that never ends.

Benny Hinn has no right!

2007-06-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my brother informed me that the cowardly idiots running YouTube recently deleted yet another video for dubious reasons. It was produced in part by Peter Bowditch of RatbagsDotCom and author of The Millenium Project, who has made the video available free of charge for your viewing pleasure. Why?

...because faith healer Benny Hinn had falsely informed them that it breached his copyright. There was not one pixel in it which was not produced by either my friend Richard Saunders or me and it featured no images of Hinn or anything which could be considered his intellectual property. I complained to YouTube using the procedures set out on their web site and I received a reply saying that I should go to a particular web page to find out how to make a formal complaint about Hinn's false claim. The page I was sent to was the one I had used to register my complaint in the first place. I wrote back to YouTube pointing out this fact and received another nice personalised reply telling me that they couldn't do anything unless I submitted a complaint to them using the procedures set out on a certain web page. You might be able to guess which page that was. I think I will give up.

I would not like Pastor Benny to think that he had managed to remove my copyrighted creation from the web by telling untruths to YouTube, so..."

My Adventures In Outer Space

2007-06-05T10:02:00.000-05:00

Some time ago I posted a video of an unidentified flying object over the University of Texas Tower, claiming it amounted to incontrovertible proof that extraterrestrial life exists. Of course, I was being facetious, and didn't think I'd be fooling anyone.

The video you see below is a fake. It was uploaded to YouTube by a fellow Austinite. I discovered it after he sent me a video demonstration of his unique ability to levitate Spam.

Little did I know my post would soon be taken seriously by various UFO enthusiasts. The editor of UFO Review was the first to post a link...somewhere. Then editors of UFO NEWS expressed doubt as to its authenticity, asking readers "Looks real, doesn't it? But we are not convinced. How about YOU?" I found this reply particularly amusing:

"My Government experiance tells me thru my vast experiance that this is a flare. The flare is highlighted by swamp gas that has made the parachute glow. The reflection of the object is nothing more than a mass Halucination of the viewers. This fake UFO’s agenda we feel is purely sexual."

And finally, a link was posted at Ufos-Co.de, where German UFO enthusiasts were asked "Was halten Sie von dem Film?" Still no comments. Ich bin so enttäuscht.

I was beginning to think my little hoax had run its course when just the other day someone left a comment asking what I thought of this video, specifically Part 2. I responded by saying that I didn't see what was so special about Part 2, or any part of Alien Autopsy for that matter. And unless someone could tell me exactly which parts of Santilli's film were not fake, I'd continue to doubt every single frame. No reply as of yet.

Troll Alert - SonOfMan2

2007-06-04T18:03:00.000-05:00

Normally I wouldn't bother mentioning it, but apparently the Son of Man left several comments on my Blasphemy Challenge video today while I was at work. So far he's done nothing but quote scripture. Responding to trolls isn't a priority for me, but maybe I'll give him what for once I've had a moment to relax. If you can't think of anything better to do at the moment, head on over and get the fire started for a good roast. I'll meet you there...eventually.

Man Stuffs Face, Nation Celebrates

2007-06-03T19:26:00.000-05:00

Should I be proud of the fact that an American set a new record in competitive eating yesterday?

A California man smashed the world record for hot dog eating at a contest Saturday, gobbling up more than 59 franks in 12 minutes.

Joey Chestnut, 22, of San Jose, shattered the record held by Takeru Kobayashi of Japan by downing 59 1/2 "HDBs" — hot dogs and buns — during the Southwest Regional Hot Dog Eating Championship at the Arizona Mills Mall in suburban Tempe.

Kobayashi's old record of 53 3/4 was set last year at Nathan's Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, held at Coney Island in New York, said George Costos, who helps runs the regional contests for Nathan's. Chestnut placed second in last year's world championships.

"He's unbelievable — he just keeps on going," said Ryan Nerz of Major League Eating, which he describes as "a world governing board for all stomach-centric sports."

Chestnut won a free trip to New York, a year's supply of hot dogs and a $250 gift card to the mall.

I get a stomachache just thinking about it.

The Stupidstitious Cat

2007-06-03T16:47:00.000-05:00

Good evening, non-believers! It's another wonderful day to be an atheist! I figure it's also as good a day as any to be a skeptic. That's because we'll be watching a classic cartoon about a clever bird who easily outsmarts a certain Stupidstitious Cat (1946) only to reveal his own habits of magical thinking in the end.

What's next? An early worm who gets the bird?

Tasty Search Fun - May 2007

2007-06-02T16:44:00.000-05:00

I know, it's a bit late, but I've managed to keep track of all the fun searches that led people to my blog this past month. I'm also delighted to report that the tasty appeal of the new blog is attracting some rather odd customers.

why everybody loves hot dogs: They're delicious. Duh!

sexy librarians: Ask for room 800.001.

sexy questions: What are you wearing?

amputated toe won't heal: Don't expect a miracle.

jesus christ darwin award: I second the nomination.

Satan worshipers on the national day of prayer: Ah, but little do you know that we only come out at night!

cocksnack: He's gone. The new guy's name is Wetspot.

was is a question answered by a question: Was?

great pumkin sacrifice summon charlie-brown: We'll need a chicken to do that.

picture big hot dog: It's huge! Jealous?

pics of a guy's wiener: I just showed it to you!

fun perplexing philosophy questions: Comin' right up, that is, if you're into that kind of thing.

sexy hot dog: Just don't tell me what you plan on doing with it, and I won't ask.

how to get a bigger wiener: Take a deep breath and blow on your thumb.

what self-respecting scientists disbelieve evolution: None whatsoever.

bob's hot dog house: Come one, come all!

how many points are pretzels: If you're playing Pac-Man, 700 points.

science experiments using hot dogs: I must warn you, it's slightly mad.

hot dog questions: What's in these things?

perplexing questions by kids: Why? (repeat ad infinitum)

nimbu marijuana: Tastes like lemons?

pretzel hot dogs: In stores now!

jesus in dogs bum: Well, if you insist.

power trip and god: It involves breaking shit for no apparent reason.

other words for hot dog: Redhot, footlong, frankfurter, sausage, wiener, weenie, etc.

nonsense questions: Sorry, I've only got perplexing questions.

capitol hill message boards: You'll find them located directly under God.

Floresville + Texas + car + Jesus: = Birdshit Jesus.

god awful christ: Sweet blasphemy!

Darwin's theory on the Evolution of Man is bullshit: No, creationism is bullshit.

what do atheists say when someone sneezes?: Why say anything?

chimp that cooks hot dogs: Does he need a job?

RECENT VIRGIN MARY SIGHTINGS IN SOUTHERN TEXAS: You'll find some here. Now, stop yelling at me!

irreverent church signs: Why not do it yourself?

Angry atheists are hot authors: They're sexy when they're angry.

television hot dog van mind control: That was my idea! I knew I should have patented the damn thing.

trust in god not in man: Trust me, God doesn't exist.

I hate pretzels: Then I suggest you take your business elsewhere! Good day, sir.

how to get discovered to be an actress in austin texas: Something tells me you haven't got a chance.

bookstore clerk wages texas: You can do better.

logic moses ark trick questions intelligence "multiple choice": WTF?

Bad Ethics

2007-05-31T20:52:00.000-05:00

Last weekend this atrocious editorial in the Houston Chronicle was brought to my attention: "No Absolutes: Where's right and wrong in ethics? Why the courses taught in colleges aren't working in the real world" by University of Houston professor Donald Bates. I started to write up a post taking him to task but soon lost interest. His editorial contains no substantive argument, just a bunch of familiar bald assertions, like these:

"I believe the culprit is the current interpretation of the requirement of the separation of church and state."

Bates doesn't bother to tell us exactly why he believes such nonsense.

"Right and wrong and good and evil are concepts that evolve from a religious foundation."

That strikes me as a feeble attempt at irony. Then there's this laughable paragraph:

Faculty are wasting their time, their students' time and taxpayer's money by continuing to teach ethics from the situational approach. As evidence of this failure, has there been any decrease in unethical incidents and behaviors since teaching ethics began in 1977 — 30 years ago? Is there a realistic expectation of a decrease in unethical incidents in the future? The answer to both questions is a resounding "No!"

Sorry professor Bates, but appeals to the assumed ignorance of your readers do not constitute evidence, and answering your own rhetorical questions with monosyllabic ejaculations is just plain silly.

That said, yesterday's letters to the editor are worth reading. Well, at least two of them. First up, this guy!

Read up on history

Donald Bates' article was quite amazing. He may be a professor, but he is clearly uneducated on religion, ethics and the Constitution. And if he thinks morals or knowing the difference between right and wrong is religion-based, he knows nothing about the history of religion. More crimes have been committed in the name of Islam, Christianity and Judaism than all causes save world wars.

To say that any religion is the basis of ethics is to ignore history. Morals and ethics have nothing to do with religion.

JERRY L. WICKLIFFE Brookshire

And now, a contingent of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy responds:

A leap to blame

In his May 27 Outlook article, "No absolutes: Where's right-wrong in ethics?" Donald Bates stated that he believes the culprit is the "current interpretation of the requirement of the separation of church and state." He does not tell us what that current interpretation is, and our national administration does not seem to know of any separation.

I hope he is not teaching philosophy.

The foundations of ethics in Western civilization came from such as Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. How he made the leap to blame ethical woes on a lack of religion was not explained.

The dark side of the ethics of religion was displayed during the Spanish Inquisition and when the World Trade Center was attacked.

If Bates wants to preach religion, he should be in a church.

JAMES SELLS president, Americans United for Separation of Church and State, Houston chapter

Finally, I give you this piece of drivel, which I will now ridicule for my own personal amusement:

Look to Golden Rule

Donald Bates' May 27 Outlook article was true. For years I have said the same thing: Ethics without absolutes is arbitrary.

If I had known that saying something over and over again for years and years would make it true, I would have started saying "Donald Bates' article is false" a long, long time ago.

I believe in a divine absolute right and wrong, which I call an aspect of God. However, this does not solve the ethics debate.

I don't care what you call it, whatever it is you're talking about.

Who speaks as the authority for God (or religion)? Some people would say our religious teachers, but they are flawed humans like us.

I suppose I'll humor you for a moment.

Some would say the holy book of each religion, despite the obvious contradictions in some texts.

I'm with you so far, I guess.

Bates was right to say that religion could provide a set of absolutes to give a real basis for ethics.

Now you've lost me. How exactly is religion going to do anything without its most pious apologists and the esoteric bullshit they seem to enjoy so much?

The mistake would be to nitpick the rules of a specific religious interpretation and thus miss the guiding principle of religion, which is to treat your fellow man as you want to be treated.

TOM LEFFLER Houston

Oh, I see. You prefer cherry picking to nitpicking.

How Should I Euthanize My Fish?

2007-05-30T22:42:00.000-05:00

I have a black ghost knifefish living in my tropical freshwater aquarium, but not for much longer. You see, it has what I think is a giant tumor growing on both sides of where its tail begins, near its rectum, which is distressing the surrounding scales. It didn't used to be so big, but now it's disgustingly huge and lumpy. I really can't do much beyond dosing the aquarium with antibiotics whenever it bursts and becomes abscessed, as it has done in the past. I also have to take into consideration the health and well-being of the other fish in the tank, an adult female angelfish and three clown loaches, which are under stress from all the attention and medication the knifefish has been getting. Last night it occurred to me that I should maybe euthanize it, so I did a little research because I've never had to do that before and I'd like to be as humane as possible, of course.

I don't want to just flush it down the toilet to die in the sewer. Besides, it might be too big for that. Nor do I want it to have a messy death either, resulting in blood and guts all over my kitchen. Bashing its head in or quickly chopping its head off is not an option. And no, I don't have a blender, so don't ask. I also don't want it to die of shock, which means no boiling, ~~freezing~~, suffocating or electrocuting it. Nothing quite so slow and painful.

From what little I've read so far, it seems my best bet is tricaine methanesulfonate, a veterinary anesthetic also known as ms-222 or Finquel, though I'm not sure I can get a hold of any. I guess the next best method would be to dose the knifefish with some clove oil, which is typically used for toothaches, and then add clear grain alcohol like vodka once it's gone to sleep. Faced with a choice between drug overdose and alcohol poisoning, which would you prefer? Any other ideas? Or should I let it live?

Humor Me

2007-05-29T14:47:00.000-05:00

Today I noticed a letter to the editor in the Austin American-Statesman which brought to my attention some local news that I missed. I know, it's a few days old, but humor me.

Just humor us

Re: May 21 article "Round Rock high school seniors vote on prayers."

The Round Rock school district allowed students to vote on a graduation invocation. Board member Vivian Sullivan suggests, "If you're an atheist, then just humor us."

I'm curious, has the school board considered allowing the students to vote on whether they take the TAKS tests or maybe on whether they can blast their own music during graduation?

Picture a football player, with beliefs different from Sullivan's, who had to decide after every game to "take a knee" and pretend to pray or be true to his beliefs and stand outside the circle.

What would Sullivan say to the atheist parent who asked, "Just this one time, humor us and follow the law"?

RANDOLPH G. BIAS

Austin

I'm a bit curious myself.

67th Carnival of the Godless

2007-05-27T13:20:00.000-05:00

The 67th Carnival of the Godless is up at Letters From A Broad. Pardon my French, but get your ass over there!

As is the tradition, I'll leave this thread open. But making fun of the French is strictly forbidden!

Stop Driving Us Crazy!

2007-05-27T12:49:00.000-05:00

Good afternoon, non-believers! It's another wonderful morning to be an atheist! That's because today we'll be watching a cartoon about automotive safety, Stop Driving Us Crazy! (1959). Rusty, a Martian spy, would like us all to know that reckless driving is sinful, and that we should always yield the right-of-way to God.

Where are you going?

61st Skeptics' Circle

2007-05-24T21:54:00.000-05:00

The 61st Skeptics' Circle is up at Memoirs of a Skepchick. I'm a bit late, but I've been on the road. No, I didn't pick up any hitchhikers.

As usual, I'll keep this thread open. But whatever you do, don't panic! I just hope you brought a towel.

Birdshit Jesus

2007-05-24T14:21:00.000-05:00

San Antonio's KENS 5 Eyewitness News reports that another little miracle has taken place in Texas, this time in Floresville. Here's the whole story:

People have seen Jesus' image in a lot of places — in a pan, on a window, in a tree — but now a Floresville man says an image of Jesus has landed on his car.

There's a reason the old Mercury Grand Marquis in the front of yard of Toney Guerrero's home is covered up carefully.

"So if it rains, it wouldn't wash off," he said.

You see, 78-year-old Guerrero hasn't always had a strong walk in faith, but what he discovered on his car window after getting out of his car this past Sunday makes even a tough World War II veteran like him a little teary eyed.

"I couldn't believe it. I saw the forehead, the nose, the eyes," Guerrero said. "It's unbelievable."

It's a piece of shit! Birdshit, to be exact. Now I've seen everything.

The image on the driver's side of Guerrero's vehicle is a result of what some birds sent from above.

But for Guerrero, who has a number of health problems and eyesight that is failing, his son said, the experience of what his dad sees clearly means so much more.

"Because we've had a hard life and something like this amazing, powerful ... lets us know that we're not by ourself," his son said.

As Guerrero stood and wiped away tears, we were left wondering would this proud veteran, who once stood at the frontlines in battle, fight against believing anymore?

"I'm not a perfect guy you know," Guerrero said.

"He didn't hesitate to tell me who that was," his son said.

"Jesus is right there. You can get whatever you want from that," Guerrero said.

Like what, a disease?

Power Trip

2007-05-23T15:35:00.000-05:00

Today I was reminded of a certain evangelistic group, The Power Team. In elementary school I was forced to suffer through the ridiculous antics of its various members on more than one occasion. They're known for spontaneously ripping phone books in half, blowing up hot water bottles until they burst, smashing concrete blocks, and breaking baseball bats over their knees, among other things. Vaudeville theater on steroids, literally.

Now it seems the Power Team is "facing backlash over it's religious ties," not that their demonstrations had any educational value in the first place.

In a statement on the groups' Web site, organization president Todd Keene writes:

"God (not man) called The Power Team into existence, and He continues to use it for His purpose: To REACH THE LOST! Every year, since the late '90s, we see close to 100,000 people respond to The Power Team altar calls to accept Jesus Christ as Lord."

Ready or not, here comes the Power Team! Sent by God to kick ass and break shit!

Let Jesus into your heart or we'll break your face!

The Power Team's religious ties led five school districts in Wisconsin to cancel performances by the organization in recent months. A non-profit organization, Americans United for Separation of Church and State, has also campaigned against the sweatpants-wearing, morals-touting speakers.

In the Houston area, Mike Keeney, spokesman for Aldine ISD, said the district received a letter warning about the religious leanings of the group, which charges $500 for its 30-minute performances.

Keeney said The Power Team had performed at Aldine schools before with no problems.

"It's pretty much your basic, rah-rah message, which is not bad," he said.

Another Houston-area school, Hairgrove Elementary in the Cypress-Fairbanks Independent School District, canceled a planned Power Team performance because the principal decided "it was not appropriate for a school setting," said district spokeswoman Kelli Durham.

Power Team representatives say they carefully tailor their messages to their audience and do not mention religion in schools. The group does Christian-themed performances for church groups.

At Northpointe, Assistant Principal Darrell McReynolds heard of them through his son-in-law who is a youth pastor at Houston's First Church of God, which sponsored several two-hour crusades by the Power Team in the evenings last week.

He said he normally books a speaker at the end of the year and wanted a group that would talk about the harms of gossiping.

When Leighow and Warner visited his school, they touched on this topic, along with suicide, bullying and self-respect. They started with the bat breaking, followed by the phone book tearing and finally the smashing of the concrete blocks.

Works every time.

2nd Humanist Symposium

2007-05-21T13:45:00.000-05:00

The 2nd Humanist Symposium is up at Confessions of an Anonymous Coward. So head on over and see what the order of Humanistes has to offer.

As usual, I'll leave this thread open. But talk of baraminology is off limits.

Perplexing Question #2: The Liar's Paradox Revisited

2007-05-20T16:31:00.000-05:00

I realize it's been a while, so to keep this series going and at a faster pace I've decided to serve up as many self-reference paradoxes as I can find, then refer back to them in a future post about self-reference paradoxes in general. Until then, let me know how each individual dish tastes and I'll make preparations for the feast.

The Liar's Paradox is perhaps the most widely known of all the self-reference paradoxes. I was delighted to see an instance of it while driving down the street one day. The paradox dates back to ancient Greece, and the philosopher who is often credited with first introducing the problem was even mentioned in the Bible by the apostle Paul in his epistle to Titus (1:12-13):

One of themselves, even a prophet of their own, said, The Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, slow bellies. This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith.

Of course, Paul is referring to Epimenides, who said something to the effect that:

The Cretans always lie.

Though this statement is rather ironic, given that Epimenides was himself a Cretan, it's not exactly an instance of the Liar's Paradox. We can safely assume that some Cretan, other than Epimenides, did at some time manage to tell the truth. So the proposition is patently false rather than paradoxical. In fact, the oldest known formulation of the Liar's Paradox is attributed to another Greek philosopher, Eubulides of Miletus.

A man says that he is lying. Is what he says true or false?

This riddle, as stated by Eubulides, is what we know as the Liar's Paradox today. Consider the following proposition:

(1) I am a liar.

If (1) is true, then I am not a liar. If I am not a liar, then (1) cannot be true. So (1) is self-contradictory. A better way to put it might be:

(2) This statement is not true.

The result is much the same. But one particular variation of the Liar's Paradox is a bit different. The Liar's Cycle or the Looped Liar is such that two statements, when taken in reference to one another, result in an odd sort of contradiction. Just have a look at this marquee:

(Side A): The other side is the truth.

(Side B): The other side is a lie.

The question then becomes, which is the false advertisement? If (Side A) is true, then (Side B) is false. And if (Side B) is false, then (Side A) must also be false. But of course, (Side A) cannot be both true and false. Infuriating, isn't it?

Tachikomas are damn clever.

Sources:
Clark, Michael. Paradoxes from a to z. London: Routledge, 2002, pp. 99-106.
Sorensen, Roy. A Brief History of the Paradox: Philosophy and the Labyrinths of the Mind. Oxford UP: New York, 2003.